I need to have more faith in myself sometimes...
I have far too much stress right now, too many worries, too much sadness. I keep meaning & wanting to blog, I even write it in my planner most days, but I'm having a really rough go of it to be brutally honest. Nothing has gotten easier. It's been three months now and some days the loneliness is overwhelming. I feel so isolately compared to London. There are no activities here in which to meet others; no quilting guilds to join, no book clubs, no hobby meetings, nowhere to go and even "hang out" in hopes of meeting others, etc.. Well, unless you count Walmart. Hahahah! I feel so out of place here. Everyone truly is so kind and welcoming, but I don't fit in. Everyone knows we're "new", I feel like a lost tourist. I feel like a fish out of water.
Sewing keeps me busy and it keeps my mind off of things, which is good. I'm happy when I make others happy. I have a big 3 day craft fair in a little over 3 weeks but I'm seriously considering cancelling. My (only) friend here was going to take me but she's getting busy and it's probably going to just be a hassle for her. I hate to feel like an inconvenience, and I think that I will be for her.
Taking a taxi to/from will cost me an arm and a leg, ($200 for the 3 days) so I don't think I want to do that either. I may just leave it and stay home and focus on my FB page sales. I have the best customers, I don't do well with the "maybe" of a craft fair. I'd rather just be at home than out trying to sell my wares to people who have no interest.
My craft fair last weekend was lukewarm at best, and honestly definitely not worth all the time I took off from customs and RTS (ready to ship) and a far cry from the Merry Makers fairs I did in London and are soo much fun! I figured my last show wouldn't be too busy, but I still had hopes. It's a much smaller town, but most people just glanced at my table and walked away towards the DS (direct sales: Avon, Scentsy, etc...) which is really frustrating. Especially when I work as hard as I do to create unique, one of a kind handmade items.
When I got home I snapped pics and sold most of it on my page to my online customers who never let me down with their ongoing support. I have probably answered my own question. I think I'm going to simply focus on sewing for my page in the comfort of my own home. Far less stress, less hassle, no depending on someone else, no disappointment of a huge craft fair in which may be a huge waste of time for me. Or it'll be an incredible show and I'll miss it, but hey, I won't know!
I feel guilty for not following through & kind of flakey for backing out at this point, but I don't think I have it in me this time. I'm exhausted, definitely depressed, I miss my friends & family sooooo very much, and I don't think that I'm willing to take a risk right now on the "maybe" of a craft fair. My sisters cat is very sick right now and she's heartbroken, and I can't do anything from here to comfort her and that breaks my heart. I hate being so far from her... from everyone I love.
I guess if I let someone down this time, so be it, once in a blue moon I have to put myself first right? My sanity and stress level must count for something? Someone please tell me I'm not an absolutely horrible person. Or, if you think I am, go ahead and post that comment too, however, I may delete your comment.
On that note, I'm off... I need the sweet escape of sleep.